The Moment My Life Changed
by sweetcrimefighter
Summary: It's funny now, looking back, how much my life spiralled out of control after that night.' Brooke Davis was the most energetic and happy girl you would ever come across, untill one night changed her forever. Read if ya want.
1. Chapter 1

**The Moment My Life Changed**

**Chapter 1**

_'It's funny now, looking back, how much my life spiralled out of control after that night. I wasn't the nicest girl before it happened, I was hardly what one would call 'innocent'. Yet somehow, I felt like some part of my innocence I still had left in me was taken from me with brutal force. I told no one what had happened, no one knew, and now, they never will._

_I still remember it like it happened yesterday, the moment my life changed... forgood. It was a normal night, a night like any others... you'll see..._

_So there I was, Brooke Davis, party girl, Head Cheerleader of The Ravens basketball team, most popular girl in school. I was partying... as usual. Nathan Scott, Co-Captain of the basketball team, was throwing a party in the honor of the beginning of our senior year. Off course I was invited, I was always invited to every part that was ever thrown in Tree Hill. Besides, Nathan was one of my closest friends and I would have so kicked his ass if he hadn't invited me._

_I was drinking, talking to random guys I hardly knew, dancing, looking HOT as hell in my strapless red dress I had designed. Yes, it's true, I had a lot to drink that night, but you could have hardly called me drunk. I still new my vocabulary, I could still walk in one straight line and I still knew who I could hit on and who was off limits. If I had been wasted, I wouldn't have known or been able to do any of those things._

_I went to the bathroom to freshen up and when I got back, this guy, a guy I had never seen before, handed me a drink. I looked at him funny, I don't even remember what he looked like, but I do remember him smiling at me, assuring me that it was just a drink. So naive as I was, I took a sip... and another one... and another one... Soon, I had finished the drink and started to feel dizzy. I thought it was because I wasn't used to the type of alcohol in the drink...maybe._

_I turned out, it wasn't the alcohol that was making me dizzy, it were the drugs in the drink that made me feel dizzy. I don't think it was your usual date rape drug, I remember too much for it to have been that. And I read on the internet that if it had been rohypnol or GHB or something like that, then there would have been short term memory loss, there wasn't._

_I was never able to forget the feeling that drug gave me. For the first time in my life I felt free, free of all my insicurities, all the pain I had inside me no one knew about... I felt liberated... little did I know that feeling would soon go away forever..._

_The room, the people, everything in it started spinning around in my head. I felt nausseous, I needed to ly down. Mostly on touch, I managed to find the stairs and I slowly began to make my way up. When I finally reached the top, I walked into the first room I could find and laid myself down on the bed, ready for a good nights of sleep._

_I never realized someone had followed me into the room untill he began to touch me, running his hands up and down my thighs. I tried to open my eyes but they wouldn't for some reason... for some reason, my eyes wanted me to stay in the dark._

_I tried to move, it was no use, the drug had renderred me incapable of anything. "No." I sillently murmered. It did no good either, he wouldn't listen to a silent no, no matter how many I said._

_I felt the warmth of my tears running down my cheeks, warming up my smooth skin. He didn't say anything, he just continued to satisfy himself, violating me in the process. I felt his hands touch my skin under my dress, taking my panties of. "No." I said yet again, even though I had long realized he would never listen to that, but it was my only hope. I couldn't scream, my throat was dry, my longues wouldn't co-operate._

_As he began to take of my dress, my mind became even more jumbled. It felt as if I were floating in the air, but at the same time I had this feeling of being stuck... trapped. A feeling that wouldn't go away any time soon..._

_I felt him enter me, strip me of any self-respect or dignity I had left. It hurt, but I barely felt it, probably because of the drug or because I was simply numb. I don't quite know why, I'm just gratefull for that feeling of numbness I had back then, though it did me little good afterwards._

_It's hard, to describe the feeling you have when you know your entire world is being beaten down and bruised beyond fixing. It's kind of an unreal feeling, as if you're stepping outside your body and mind and watching the things that are happening to you as if they're happening to someone else. That's how I felt, as if it wasn't me, but someone else. If only that had been true._

_I don't know how long it took, how long he used me, how long he took murdering my soul. I don't know, it felt like eternity, but it was shorter, much shorter, I know. When he was finally ready, he put my dress back on, I found that strange, you rape someone but take the effort to re-dress them and put the blanket on them, so they're not exposed. Hmm, I never got that._

_Just when I thought it was all over and I could finally dissapear completely, he whispered something in my ear. Something I would repeat in my mind over and over again many times after that. "The BEST fuck I ever had, SLUT..." What he said didn't bother me as much as how he said it._

_He made it sound as if I had asked for it, had wanted it, had urged him on. He said it in such a way that would make me blame myself for the rest of my lifetime. I think, somewhere deep down, I realized that it wasn't my fault, I wasn't to blame for what happened to me. But I just didn't want to believe that. _

_My whole life, my father neglected me, and my mother told me what a useless whore I was and everything that would happen to me in the future would be my fault. I guess it stuck, 'cause when it was over, I did blame myself... every second... of every day..._

_I don't remember him leaving the room, the last thing I remember is feeling extremely filthy and ugly. Suddenly I must have passed out, because those feelings, are the last I remember of that night._

_Before that night, I never believed people could changed, or be changed by one single event. I was wrong, I changed, I was never the same. I was someone else, the Brooke Davis everyone had known had dissapeared so fast you couldn't try and bring her back. I didn't feel re-born or lucky to at least be alive. I didn't feel much of anything... at first. I wished the feeling of emptyness and numbness would have stayed, they had come as a blessing the days after...'_

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_'I never got over that night, ever. It stuck to me like a bad nightmare - it never went away. The days after were endured in a haze; I was completely numb to the everything - myself, my friends, the world - absolutely everything._

_That wasn't such a bad feeling, I actually welcomed it - sure, all my friends questioned me about it. Peyton - my best friend since we were little - was worried, as were Nathan and Haley - his wife of 8 months - and Lucas, Nathan's brother. I told them the same thing over and over again, "I'm fine." And at the time, it could have been sort of true._

_I wasn't really feeling anything towards what had happened to me, yet. The dirty, angry, guilty feelings came after a day or 3 of the numbness. I was pulled out of my dazed state by one stupid sentence in a stupid song, "Feeling the moment slip away," It was a stupid sentence in the stupid song Feeling The Moment by Feeder, but it shook me wide awake._

_Suddenly, I had begun crying and couldn't stop no matter what I did. In my moment of weakness I called Peyton; I didn't tell her what had happened, I just told her I needed her to come over as soon as possible._

_It only took her 15 minutes to reach my house and take me in her arms and whisper soothing words in my ear, "It's going to be okay, everything will be okay," she tried to comfort me. I almost laughed aloud at her words - nothing would ever be okay again, how could it? _

_I-I was r-raped for heaven's sake! How could that possibly be okay?! I felt like I was dying; I felt so used and useless and all the things Victoria - my mother - always told me I was. It was my fault, I had led that guy - whoever he was - on and he took it the wrong way; he believed I wanted him._

_I don't remember leading him on, I don't even know who he was! But I must've somehow led him on, why else would he think it was okay to do that to me? To violate me like that?! It's not like I was a virgin, I had had sex before, but always on my own account and usually with guys I knew pretty well. But I didn't want it that night, I didn't want him!_

_I wouldn't go to the police, I didn't want to. And even if I did want to, they wouldn't believe me. I'm practically known as the town whore - you want some action, you go see Brooke Davis! That's what a lot of people said about me. And I couldn't say they were entirely wrong. I had brought this on myself, that much I knew._

_I continued to cry in Peyton's arms for hours until I finally fell into a dreamless sleep - I was grateful I wasn't suffering from nightmares, yet. I guess I was too tired back then for the nightmares to come, but they would come, however. And when they would come, they would force me to relive the experience every single time I closed my eyes. They would be torture..._


	3. Author's Note

_**Author's Note:**_

_Hi, everyone. First of all, I want to apologize for the slow updates. I realize that you are waiting for new chapters and I am dissapointing you all. I just want to assure everyone that none of my stories are on hiatus (especially my beloved Twilight stories, but also the OTH ones and the Charmed one), I just have trouble writing for some. I also want to explain why I haven't been writing much lately._

_I just want to say that I love to write; it's my number one passsion, has been since I was a child. And lately I had been wondering; why? Why do I even write? Why do I do something that's not worth anything to anyone? But I realized I was acting stupid (which is nothing out of the ordinary for me) since it is worth something to someone; it's worth something to the people who follow and read every chapter with dedication for the story I write, which is simply heartwarming. I love all my readers and without you, I wouldn't have gotten anywhere near this far with my writing. So, thank you. You'll never know how much all your support means to me._

_And I do it because I love it, it's as simple as that. I guess I had forgotten that somewhere along the way. I just needed a few reminders. I'll never stop writing and I will finish each story currently on my account._

_My main focus stories right now are:_

_Captivity  
__They'll Never Know  
__Concrete Angel_

_It's not because of the reviews they receive or something; it's just because I have them all worked out in my mind. So those will be updated the most, the rest will have slower updates but I will update them. I promise you. And I don't lie; if I make a promise, I stick to it. No matter how hard it may be sometimes._

_So, until I post again (which will be a story chapter). I hope you forgive me for my slow updates and I will work as hard as possible to update more from now on._


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_'That single moment changed my life, shaped my future, destroyed my soul._

_Every day, was one more day I wished I were never born. I sank into a deep, black hole, with no escape. No one could console me. They tried, they did, but there was nothing they could say or do._

_"No matter what, I'm here for you, Brooke. You can tell me anything. I'll always help you. You're my best friend," Peyton would say over and over again, hoping I would come to her and tell her what happened to cause my depressed state. It was a nice saying, but that was all. Just words. Words couldn't help me now. I was beyond that._

_Haley and Nathan tried a different approach. They had come to me, with movies and snacks and sat with me while we watched and ate, silent. It was all good and all, until they put in a movie where a girl was attacked and I almost nearly had a breakdown. _

_Lucas came to me as well. I let myself break down in front of him and he simply held me, wordlessly. He knew words were beyond my reach, he simply tried to comfort me. He couldn't though. _

_I found it strange I wasn't scared of men, or their touch, after what happened. Again, I think I was just too far gone already. I had retreated so far into my own mind that hardly anything registered anymore. Just bits and pieces here and there._

_I was very close to becoming an empty, numb, mindless shell. I was close. Not close enough._


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

_'What I hated most when I was alone, was the silence. The overwelming silence. It was too quiet. It made me think too much, brought me back to a place I was desperate to escape from. But I could never escape what happened, it would forever haunt me. I think it was even slowly driving me insane._

_After a few weeks, I dropped out of school. I couldn't handle anything anymore. I cut myself off from everyone, even Peyton - though she wouldn't give up on me._

_She came to my house everyday, banging on the door, demanding for me to let her in. I ignored her everytime. Eventually, she got the hint and stopped coming. I think she finally realized that the Brooke everyone loved and adored was dead. All that was left was her shell. _

_Most days, I lay in bed and did nothing. I hardly ever closed my eyes, because every time I did, I was visited by the past. The past was laughing at me, taunting me each second of each day._

_People say that you get over things like this, that the past eventually becomes just that, the past. I say that's a lie. The past will never stay there; it is always right behind you, sneaking up on you, always ready to cause you endless pain. No, the past is always just around the corner. You can't shake it. _

_I couldn't...'_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Author's note:**_

Hey, all. I know I promised I'd keep updating regularly and not disappear anymore, but there were things I just couldn't walk away from to write a story. My dad got sick, really sick, he almost died. He had to have this massive surgery and it was very touch and go for a while. I've been spending almost all my time with him in the hospital. He's only been home since last tuesday and he still has a lot of health problems we need to be careful off and has 3 nurses a day coming to take care of something still from the surgery. If my dad can get through this next month, through christmas and his birthday (January 1st) okay, then I'm back. If there's another setback, if he dies like they say is still a possibility due to some complications he could have, especially blood clots (he's had them before), then I don't know. I'll let you know at the beginning of January. Again, I'm very sorry, but my family is more important to me than a few stories. I love writing these stories, I do, but they're not the most important things in my life. Sometimes, you gotta set some things aside for more important things, which is what I've been doing these last months. Please bare with me for another couple of weeks, and then I'll let you know the outcome. Then I'll let you know if I'll be back or not.

Lots of love,

Lieselot.


End file.
